You're Only Temporarily More Stupid After Losing Your Wisdom Teeth
by RavenWingDark
Summary: Gin needs to get his wisdom teeth removed. Which he is not excited about. Shinpachi and Kagura do their best to help him out through the surgery and the ensuing medicated Gintoki nonsense. Slight Gin whump. h/c and friendship


**I started Gintama about a month ago and I honestly love it so much. So I couldn't resist giving Gin a bit of a hard time and having his friends help him out. Set around ep 110-120 although it doesn't really matter.**

* * *

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi started sliding doors throughout the house to find his older friend. The man had gone into hiding. Shinpachi wasn't surprised at all that Gin had woken up earlier than he had arrived just to avoid him. After all, Shinpachi had to take Gin to the dentist today so he could have his wisdom teeth removed. Truth be told, it was a long time coming. If the procedure had been done several years ago, it would have saved him a lot of pain.

Gin never gave Shinpachi a straight answer when it came to his age. "Old enough," or "I'm in my twenties," he'd say. Personally, he thought Gin was between 24-26. Shinpachi thought Gin didn't want him to know how old he'd been when the Amanto invasion began and he'd been whisked off to war. Or maybe that he was sensitive that he was a man in his mid-twenties, in perpetual debt and constantly hanging out with two teenagers and reading Shounen JUMP.

Anyway, his teeth had been causing Gin discomfort for a couple weeks now and he'd complained often enough that Otose herself had told him she would halve this month's rent if he would just stop complaining and go to the dentist already.

As Shinpachi searched the apartment for the bokuto-wielder, Kagura joined him.

"Sadaharu! Sniff him out!" Kagura yelled out. The large, fluffy dog yipped and started sniffing around. He led them to the bathroom.

Shinpachi sighed. Even after a terrifying shower curtain moment, the bathroom was clearly devoid of a naturally wavy-haired man.

"Hmm…" Kagura said. "If I were Gin-chan, where would I hide in the bathroom?" Her eyes suddenly sparkled. "Whaa!" With said sound-effect, she slammed her foot into the wall, causing the room to shudder. A second too late, Shinpachi realized she hadn't made the noise, it had been a startled Gin who had been holding himself on the ceiling by pushing against the walls. He landed in an unruly heap on top of Shinpachi before jumping up and facing Kagura.

"We made a pact, Kagura-chan! If you didn't have to go to the dentist, neither did I!"

"What kind of adult makes that agreement?" Shinpachi shouted from the floor.

"Shinpachi told me about your wisdom teeth removal and that if you don't get one, you'll start to feel the urge for human flesh!" Kagura said desperately trying to pull him from the bathroom, slowly but surely succeeding. Shinpachi followed meekly.

"Ah, Kagura, I said it would cause him a lot of pain, not that he would cannibalize…I don't know how you got that from what I said…"

"We have a job, we have a job!" Gin shouted desperately.

"Don't worry Gin-san, Hasegawa-san will be able to handle it himself. And while you're in surgery, Kagura-chan and I will pick up some ice cream and applesauce for you to eat afterward."

Gin perked up a little, letting himself relax for a moment. "Eh?"

"Get him!" Kagura wrapped her arms around him while Shinpachi pulled a heavy-duty rope out of his kimono. Within seconds, Gin was immobile and being dragged down the stairs, hitting his head on every step.

Otose was outside smoking her morning cigarettes. "Good luck, kids."

They jumped into a taxi and sped off to the hospital.

* * *

"Sakata Gin-san?" A nurse called, holding a clipboard.

Shinpachi and Kagura were strategically placed on either side of Gin, locked elbows with him to prevent escape.

"Let's go, Gin-san." Shinpachi said, pulling him along. Gin, more resigned to his fate as they entered the dentistry wing, grudgingly complied with changing into a hospital gown although Shinpachi stayed in the room, turning around for his privacy. Then he settled into the bed and the nurse, Kagura and Sadaharu re-entered.

"Ah, you can't have pets in the hospital." The nurse told Kagura.

Kagura's eyes went teary. "Sadaharu isn't a pet, he's a family member! I won't make him leave, especially since the wayward son of the family is having such important surgery!"

"Well, the surgery is actually very low-risk."

"Oh, just get this over with." Gin said, watching Kagura sniffle into Sadaharu's fur, unsure how much of it was an act.

"R-right." The nurse said, banishing the alien dog clearly moving to the back of her mind. She moved to the side of the bed, and pulled up Gin's sleeve, cleaning a spot on his arm with antiseptic.

Despite the indecent amount of times he had been admitted to the hospital, he could count the number of times he'd been put under (and not just unconscious on arrival) on one hand. On the other hand, he did trust his protégé and Yato friend (and also kind of needed to get rid of the pain) so he had to comply.

The nurse flicked a vein in his arm and prepared the needle. Kagura squeezed Sadaharu tightly as the nurse poked it into the vein and the IV fluid started to drip into the tube.

"We're using sedation anesthesia for your procedure. You'll be sedated enough that you won't feel pain and only be semi-conscious. When you wake up properly you'll have significant lapses in your memory and you'll be incoherent until tomorrow morning." She patted his hand, awkwardly. "The doctor will come for you in half an hour, so just relax." Then she left the room.

Shinpachi and Kagura returned to his sides. Gin looked at the two of them, a rare serious expression on his face. "You know you two don't need to be here for this. Plenty of adults go to these themselves."

"We want to be here, Gin-san."

"Yeah, who knows which of your enemies would want to take advantage of your weakened state as an opportunity to attack you!" Kagura cried, holding her fists in the air.

Shinpachi settled down into the chair next to the bed and laid out a checkerboard on Gin's lap. They had nothing better to do, waiting for Gin's operation to begin. A few minutes in the game, Gin's moves started to slow down, punctuated by yawns and heavy blinks. A few minutes after that, when Shinpachi had captured almost all of Gin's pieces, Gin's head nodded down before he re-righted himself. Shinpachi smiled and packed the game up and put it back on the shelf.

"Gin-san, are you feeling the medication?" Shinpachi asked.

"Gin-chan, don't go to sleep!"

"Kagura-chan, that's for concussions, not sedatives! Gin-san, you can sleep if you want too." Shinpachi was quick to correct his friend.

Since Gin was unresponsive and his eyelids sinking ever farther, the young swordsman helped his mentor into a horizontal position. It felt immeasurably strange to help the incredibly strong swordsman while he was limp and falling asleep. It reminded him of all the close calls they'd had with Gin lately. He watched to machines monitoring his heart quietly. His blood pressure dropped a bit.

Next to him, Kagura was humming to herself, slapping Gin's free hand between the two of hers. Gin's hazy eyes glanced over to her for an annoyed second before fluttering closed.

 _Right, Gin is still awake, just not able to respond or remember this._ The nurse came back in to check his blood pressure, then took off the brakes on his bed. Shinpachi squeezed his hand quickly before he was carted away. Even if it was nothing, a virtually risk-less procedure, he couldn't help but worry.

"Come on, Kagura. Let's pick some things up from the grocery store while Gin's in surgery."

* * *

Gin was carted back in an hour later, where his three friends were waiting loyally for him, having stashed his snacks in the nurse's fridge for when they left. Gin looked a little pale and there was some bruising around his mouth, his head lolled to the side. The same nurse removed the IV, checked his blood pressure and attached the pulse odometer. "He may feel tired, nauseous or have a headache as he wakes up. But if all is well, he'll be ready to go in one or two hours. I'll be back in a little while." Then she whisked out of the room.

Sadaharu sniffed Gin's face and gave it a big lick.

"Sadaharu!" Shinpachi protested, using the sheet to wipe off the saliva from Gin's face. To all their surprise, Gin's eyes opened.

"Gin-chan, how do you feel?" Kagura said. In response, Gin let out a heavy breath and looked around the room. Everything was unfocused and the room was spinning on a tilt. His mouth felt scratchy and dry. He recognized his friends and most of what they were saying but couldn't register enough to respond. He looked towards Shinpachi, trying to move his lips into something similar to a word. Preferably, _Where. Is. My. Strawberry. Ice. Cream?_

No dice.

Shinpachi misinterpreted him. "You're in the recovery room, we'll be able to take you back in a couple hours after the drugs have worn off."

 _Did you forget to buy me ice cream?_

Shinpachi grabbed something behind him. "These got sent over, from the Shinsengumi I think." He held a cheap teddy bear in Gin's line of vision. "It comes with a card that says: "Hey Boss, throw this bear at anyone messing with you. Whatever you do, don't drop it. Love Justaway, I mean: Sougo." Shinpachi sweat-dropped. "I think we need to dispose of this." He said moving the teddy bear cautiously away from the bed before grabbing another card.

 _Shinpachi you better have gotten ice cream. There aren't a lot of times a fully grown man can indulge in strawberry ice cream and this is one of them._

Sadaharu stared with his blank gaze at the Justaway teddy bear.

 _Shinpachi, Kagura, do something about that dog!_ He tried forming those thoughts into words but it only resulted in a low moan, a brief spinning sensation in his head and strange pressure in his jaw.

"Right, sorry, I'll keep reading then." He opened the next card. "Hope you feel better so we can fight side by side again soon. —A war buddy" Which was crossed out to say: "Anonymous" which was crossed out again to say "It's Katsura."

 _Sadaharu's going for that teddy bear._ Sweat dripped down Gin's face and his eyes strained in fear.

"Are you feeling uncomfortable, Gin-san?" He said, getting up to adjust his pillow. "You look like you're in pain." He said, bending in close.

Sadaharu's doggy willpower bent and snapped in that moment and he tore at the bear, sending the room into explosions.

* * *

Kagura carried a limp Gin on her shoulders out of the taxi, huffing a sigh, black with soot from the explosion. He hair was a little chaotic. After the "not-Justa-teddy-bear" fiasco, they had been kicked out of the hospital, so Gin wasn't quite coherent yet, in fact, at some point on the trip back, he'd let out a little girlish giggle. She carried him up the steps with ease, followed by Shinpachi with the food and Sadaharu, looking thoroughly scolded. Kagura set him down on his bed, which they had set up in the middle of the room while Shinpachi stored the food and rubbed his butt, which, since he was bending over before the explosion, had take brunt of the damage.

It had only been half an hour by now since Gin's surgery was finished, but after he was laid down, he clumsy maneuvered himself onto his stomach like a baby so he could prop his head up. Kagura crouched down and poked him in the cheek.

"Gin-chan! Your cheeks are so swollen!" She giggled.

"Ah! Don't do that, Kagura-chan!"

"Why not? He can't feel it!" She protested. She was right, Gin, although supporting his head and shoulders off the ground, had no reaction, and really no way of knowing he even recognized Kagura in front of him. It had been how the nurse had told them. As the sedation wore off, the local anesthesia, which caused confusion and incoherence would take more effect. Even though he was more reactive now than before, clearly his thought processes were much more muddled than before. Gin smiled with a little drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth and abruptly dropped his head down with no resistance.

"Is he okay?" Shinpachi hurried back into the room while Kagura turned him over.

"I think he fell asleep," Kagura said wiping the drool from his face.

* * *

It was an hour later when Gin woke up from an unmoving sleep, surprising Shinpachi and Kagura, who were watching TV on low volume on the couch. He scrambled up into an unsteady sitting position, saying his first words since surgery.

"Stay away from Meru-chan!"

"Eh?" Shinpachi flinched, before looking at Gin a few feet away from him. He looked troubled and his cheeks more bruised than before.

"She may look like a wiener but she's a lady! Samamaru—" He whipped his head around the room, trying to understand his surroundings. He didn't remember going home. In fact, the last things he remembered was playing checkers, having someone's hands in his mouth, the taste of blood, a bright light in his face, something being pulled out of his mouth, and an explosion. He felt his eyes moisten. "Where _are we?"_

His friends joined him on the floor. "We're back home, Gin-chan. How does your mouth feel?"

"My mouth?" He mumbled, sticking a finger in it to find out what it felt like. "It feels wet." He showed them his finger, which came back mostly red. Shinpachi frowned at that, handing him an ice pack, which he put to his cheek. "Owwwww."  
"What do you remember?"

Gin frowned harder but stopped when he felt the iron-y taste again. "Someone had his hands in my mouth. He took something!" He grabbed Kagura's arm. "We need to go back and get it!" He hiccuped and surprised himself.

"You can't use those teeth anymore Gin-chan. Unless you want to make a teeth necklace." Shinpachi gave Kagura a scolding look.

For some reason, Gin couldn't understand. That concept, both not being able to use four of his teeth and a teeth necklace were horrible to him.

"G-Gin-san?" Shinpachi's voice sounded scared. Kagura looked shocked. Gin brought his hand to his numb cheek and felt it in surprise.

"I'm drooling!" He yelped in surprise. "Why am I drooling from my eyes?" Before anyone could comfort him, his thoughts continued. "Someone's going to buy my teeth necklace if we don't get them soon! T-they'll…they'll happen! We have to stop them…" Gin realized he forgot what he had been talking about and that his companions looked torn between laughter and worry. His mouth hurt like something was burning in the back of his mouth and his cheeks felt rough and sore but he'd had much worse. Still, it was hard to think when he felt his heartbeat running through his jaw like a live wire. He looked away from them to start counting his fingers, as a haze blanketed him from his pain and his mind, disassociating him. He got to six eight times on the same hand before Kagura helped him count to ten.

"Shinpachi, bring me my steed!" He mumbled, still holding the ice pack to his cheek.

"Steed?"

"Lake Toya!" He stumbled over his words, pronouncing "lake" like the body of water. Still, they knew what he meant and Sadaharu bounded into the other room, bringing it to him. Gin gripped it from the middle rather than the grip, shook it in frustration.

"It doesn't look right!" He said. "It was metal! Why is it brown? Did Samamama eat it? Sawamama, did you eat my sword?" He looked towards his poor dog with suspicion.

"No, Gin-chan, you use a wooden sword now, there's a ban on steel swords."

"Someone _banned_ swords?" This seemed to upset him more than the prospect of a human tooth necklace. "Why? What about the Samamarai?" He stifled a quick sob, causing both his companions to jump.

"We're still here, there's just less of us. Here, drink some water please, it will make you feel better, Gin-san."

Shinpachi sat by him, helping prop him up and helping him steady the proffered glass of water. Gin took a sip and recoiled in surprise. "It's making everything wetter!" He whimpered as some spilled from his mouth. "It tastes like rust." And it was too cold.

"It's okay, Gin-san, it's normal for it to taste like that for a little while, just drink some more," He urged his friend. Gin shook his head and clamped his mouth shut stubbornly. "You'll get dehydrated if you don't—"

"It's okay, I have access to the ocean." His eyes roved to the door. "There he is! Everyone say hello to Ocean-san!" He said swallowing thickly.

In the doorway was none other than Gin's rebel war buddy.

"It isn't Ocean-san, it's Katsura." He said, entering the room and sitting by Gin. He turned to Shinpachi and Kagura. "Give me a few minutes, perhaps I can convince him to drink." The two teenagers consented and headed over to the kitchen, relieved for a breather. They had been warned the medication from this surgery almost always caused the patients to cry without reason but it had been incredibly terrifying to see it happen to Gin.

"Gintoki, how are you feeling?" Katsura asked after the children left.

Gin screwed up his eyes, appraising the newcomer, no it wasn't Ocean-san.

"Chicken-dono?"

"Not Chicken-dono, Katsura. I was at a nearby restaurant eating tonkatsu and wanted to see how you were faring. I didn't expect to see you in this…condition." He admitted with a frown in his eyebrows.

"'Which?'" Gin swallowed thickly.*

"No."

Gin looked down at his arm and the bandage where the IV had been. "What's this, Lumpy-taichou?"

"It's not Lumpy-taichou, it's Katsura. You've been reading too much Bleach, although I don't know why you'd call me Lumpy."

"Black haired ero-ero-sannin."

"It's not Black haired ero-ero-sannin, it's Katsura. I'm going to hide your JUMP magazines. Although you didn't quite say it right."

"Furui-jiji—" Gin's words were stopped by Katsura shoving the glass of water down his throat.

"Ah, Gintoki, that's enough of that!" He said in a loud, sing-song voice, dumping the water into Gin's mouth. Almost all of the water poured down his chin and all over his blankets.

Shinpachi hurried to take the glass from Katsura. "Ah, thank you for your help, Katsura-san, I think we can take it from here!" He said in panic, looking at the twitching Gin.

"DRINK, GIN-CHAN, DRINK!"

Shinpachi yelped and went to stop Kagura when she went to repeat Katsura's actions with a pitcher full of ice water. When he had finally eliminated the threat of drowning their drugged friend, who was now lying down in a semi-conscious state, Shinpachi replaced the blankets and listened to his breathing. He had fallen back asleep. Hopefully, he'd stay that way for a while. Drugged Gin was a lot to deal with.

* * *

A/N: Gin says "dono" again, repeating the name. In Japanese which also means "which"

Furui-jiji means Old with the suffix "old man" (written in a very rude way).

 **Please review and check out my other Gintama story!**


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